


Drugged

by FiveLeafClover



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: AU, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Post-Episode: s29 e39 holby sin city
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2019-05-19 19:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiveLeafClover/pseuds/FiveLeafClover
Summary: Based on S29, E39. Ethan was drugged in an attempt to keep him out of the picture. But what if Bonnie had done more damage? What if it was serious?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [backdated fic, originally posted on fanfiction/net under the username InfinityAndOne, posted here 08/06/18]
> 
> Hello there! I have neglected my storied, but, fear not, I am updating them today. Sorry I didn't upload when I planned, but I was in a bit of a rough patch for a few days and couldn't do anything else but sleep. Those sorts of days come and go for me, but luckily should not happen often!
> 
> Anyway, after watching last night's episode, I had this idea. So, I hope you enjoy! It's kind of like an alternative ending, but it has more regulars in it than last night. I have to say, I have no idea what drug was used- no one really knows. I have decided not to use a specific drug for this. Anyway, on with the story. (Originally going to be a one-shot, changed to a multi-chapter story hopefully updated every Friday.)

"Man, you look rough." Iain commented after Ethan turned around to reveal his clammy complexion and his tired eyes. Ethan knew what Bonnie...well, Cassandra did.

"Er...she drugged me..." He spoke- still feeling out of breath, and, admittedly, a little dizzy. He didn't miss the shocked looks on Iain's or Robyn's faces. They weren't that shocked- not after what she did. They wouldn't expect any less!

"She tried to dump her second gun in the sharps bin." Robyn told Ethan. Ethan was surprised to say the least. But, Iain had one more thing.

"I can beat that. She can walk." Ethan stood, mouth hanging open. "She was having an affair with some... big fella." Iain continued. Ethan snapped his mouth shut and tried to engage his brain- which seemed to be slowly ticking down.

"The physio." He realised.

"Right, well, we reckon he helped her set the whole thing up. Which is why he tried to delay is getting Clyde in." It was finally all making sense to the three of them. She was definitely a sneaky one. "I mean, making out she had an affair with you, the DNR... all delaying tactics." Ethan looked down, closed his eyes, and blew out a breath. Half from exasperation, and half from the effects of the drug. He had expected them to lessen by now. No such luck. Robyn looked worried.

"You okay?" She asked, concern filling her tone. Ethan really didn't look too well. Ethan opened his eyes and met her's, nodding his head. He obviously wasn't okay, but he needed to tell the police. They were interrupted by the officer.

"What d'you have to say then, sir?" He had, indeed, heard their utterly bizarre conversation. But he needed them to officially report it. In terms he would understand!

Ethan turned around and said, "she told me how she did it." It was a confusing yet intelligent story- one which Bonn...Cassandra had thought up very well- and it was no doubt correct. It all made sense- it made sense to all three, and the officer definitely believed them.

Ethan finished telling the tale, and the officer nodded and gave them his thanks. Then the worst of it hit him. He felt weak in his legs, and had to use the wall for support. "Ethan?" Robyn questioned worriedly. "You alright?"

To Iain and Robyn, Ethan looked awful. He was paler than earlier, and he had his eyes closed- breathing faster than usual. What the hell did that woman drug him with? "Ethan, mate?" Iain a addressed the young doctor, "can you hear me?"

"Mmm..." Ethan muttered. "Bon...drug...can't...chest..." Iain and Robyn exchanged concerned glances. Ethan seemed to be slowly slipping into the effects of the drug. He already looked terrible when they first met up with him, but he was certainly one hundred times worse now.

Iain flung Ethan's arm around his shoulder in an attempt to keep him upright. He and Robyn heard the officer they reported everything to call an ambulance. For now, though, their focus was on getting Ethan seated and breathing slower. For now, their focus was on keeping Ethan conscious. Keeping him alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good day! Sorry this is a late second chapter...but I hope I can update when I say in the future!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and please review? Thank you- and thank you for the positive responses on the last chapter as well, added to the 20 follows and 7 favourites I received after just one chapter made me ecstatic. I have read all the other depictions of the episode and they are all AMAZING! I hope mine can live up to that standard! Anyway, sorry for rambling! Enjoy.

They practically carried Ethan to a seat and slung him down. Immediately, Ethan slumped up against the wall, breathing slowing dramatically- a stark change to what it was just a moment ago. He didn't respond to them that well, and both the nurse and the paramedic could see how his gaze wasn't focused on anything.

"Ethan, mate? Can you hear me?" Iain asked the young doctor who seemed to be slipping from reality. All he received from Ethan was a slurred mumble. It was good enough. Not great, but both Iain and Robyn assumed that Ethan was answering- well, trying to answer- Iain's question. At least they hoped. "Stay awake, Ethan." The paramedic persisted upon seeing Ethan's eyes opening and closing wearily. Robyn and Iain feared that if Ethan closed his eyes and slipped into unconsciousness, that he may never wake up. They needed to know the drug, until then, they needed to do everything to keep Ethan awake and talking-ish.

"His breathing is really heavy..." Robyn fretfully commented. Iain shook his head in disbelief. Ethan was a colleague, a friend, and he's been drugged and this was just too painful to watch. But he persevered, both of them did.

"Well, you know what they say," Robyn shrugged her shoulders in answer to Ethan's comment, not understanding where Iain was going with this. "it only gets worse before it gets better."

Robyn sighed- though her smile told the paramedic that it wasn't through annoyance. "That is the most clichéd thing you have ever said." She giggled. Iain returned this smile in spite of everything. There was no point moping around too much- they needed to stay as positive as they could- for Ethan's sake. "What will happen will happen." Robyn mumbled aloud to herself. Iain looked at her knowingly. "Did I just say that aloud?"

Iain laughed. "Yes..." Robyn looked rightfully abashed, "who's spouting clichés now?" He mentioned rhetorically. Robyn smirked.

"Mm...ca...ss..." Ethan spoke indistinctly. "Li...as..."

"Don't try and speak, Ethan. Just relax," Robyn said comfortingly, "and keep those eyes open," she reminded him softly. She exchanged a worried look with Iain. This whole drugged-and-late-effects-thing really was a shock to them. Sure, they had seen cases like this a handful of times, but when it was their friend, everything and every symptom seemed to magnify.

"We're going to need to ring Cal." Iain mentioned, "he won't be happy being kept out of the loop."

"Yeah, though Cal will probably go all protective over Ethan," she half-joked. Iain looked confused. "In October- the crash, Cal completely changed," she still couldn't believe it herself. "He went all properly ' _big brother_ '. It was both moving and strange." Iain could definitely imagine Cal being like that. Of course, he wasn't there then, but he will be there now!

"You're going to ring him." Iain volunteered Robyn. She looked taken aback. "I'm not going to be on the receiving end of Cal!" He reasoned.

"Not fair. You ring him." Robyn fought back- both of them did it in good humour of course.

"No..." Ethan spoke- breathing laboured. His condition was deteriorating fast, "...al..." Robyn listened more closely to Ethan's slurred speech. "...on't Cal..." It was incomprehensible to Iain, so he looked questionably towards Robyn.

"I don't think he want's us to call Cal." She whispered uncertainly. "Ethan?" This time she spoke louder while addressing the man slouched by her. "Ethan? Do you want us to call Cal?" Ethan gave a messy shake of his head- wincing as it spiked pain within him.

"I still think we have to."

"I agree. He is Ethan's brother, and Ethan's not in a good state to be thinking properly anyway." she reasoned. They both exchanged looks with each other than spoke almost simultaneously.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" They laughed at their timing, then both nodded and help their fists out- both aware of the urgency. In all fairness, they couldn't really do anything with Ethan until the ambulance arrived. "1...2...3..." they spoke in perfect unison, "...go!"

Robyn had paper, Iain scissors.

"Best of three?" Robyn almost begged the paramedic. Iain was about to protest when Robyn held her hand out again. He huffed and did the same.

"1...2...3...go!"

Robyn had rock, Iain had paper.

"I win." Iain spoke simply- to which Robyn huffed. "Go over there," he reduced his voice to a hushed whisper, "you don't want Ethan becoming agitated." Robyn agreed and made her way to the corner of the room, taking out her phone and hesitantly dialing Cal's number.

It was late, and Robyn wasn't sure whether Cal would pick up or not. It rang and rang and rang and...

 _"Robyn! Bit late, isn't it?!"_  Cal sounded sleepy. Maybe Robyn shouldn't have woken him up. She was about to pass it off as nothing and not worry Cal, but she stole a glance at the doctor who looked increasingly worse and seemed to be slowly slipping out of consciousness once again.

"Look, Cal. There's no easy way to break this to you-"

 _"-what...what's happened?"_  He cut her off. He knew this must have been something to do with Ethan. He could feel it in his bones.

"Cal...just meet me at the hospital, okay? Try not to worry, I'll explain it all." She quickly hung up. She planned to say more, but it was to hard to say over the phone, and she would have the enormous task of calming a probably irate big brother down. She made the right call, she knew she did.

Robyn made her way back over to Iain and Ethan. Ethan looked awful. She studied the full effects of what this to-be-identified-drug was. He wasn't breathing well- it sounded laboured and heavy. He wouldn't speak properly- he only spoke in slurred mumbles. He looked pale- unnaturally pale. Ethan was also drifting from consciousness, something they had to try and stop. Robyn only just realised- he was shaking. Well, more trembling. She knew there was truth in what Iain said- Ethan would probably get worse before he feels the effects of getting better. She just hoped it would come soon. She hated seeing him so weak and vulnerable, and she guessed- correctly- that Ethan must be feeling so drained and out-of-it that he would want it all to end.  _In good time,_  she reminded herself, _this will all be over._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Firstly, I would like to thank all those who have favourited and followed so far! I mean, 25 follows and 11 favourites is amazing! I mean, it took my breath away when I looked at it earlier. Also, thank you so much to those who take their time to leave feedback- it really helps! Would you mind leaving a review on this chapter as well? Thank you, and, on with chapter 3!

"Is he on his way?" Iain questioned. Robyn hesitated for a few seconds. She'd changed what she was going to say at the last minute- so, technically, Cal was on his way to the hospital...and he didn't know what was wrong. Whoops.

"Well...not exactly...he's going to the hospital." She hesitantly replied, dreading Iain's reaction.

"Does he know what's wrong with Ethan?!" Robyn shook her head slowly. Iain sighed- there was no point arguing with her or disagreeing with her actions. There were more pressing matters at hand. "Oh well."

"Di...sy..." Ethan mumbled, eyes still fighting to keep open. Robyn rubbed his back, calming him down. "Di...sy..." He repeated. Both Robyn and Iain understood what he said the second time- unlike the first time. He must be feeling absolutely dreadful- especially if he feels dizzy. Both of them wished they could just make Ethan feel better.

"It's alright, Ethan. It's going to be okay." Robyn spoke comfortingly, rubbing her hand up and down his back in an attempt to keep him conscious. "The ambulance will be here soon." Neither she nor Iain knew when. Iain hoped it was Dixie- obviously in another ambulance from earlier because of those bloody tyres. He worked with her most of the time. All he could do was hope.

"Ha...se...nn…" Ethan slurred- eyes opening and closing as tiredness filled him.

"It'll be okay, Ethan. Just don't worry about anything. Just keep awake." She reassured him- her tone calming Ethan instantly.

The young doctor wasn't sure what was happening to him. He could hear voices around him- telling him things. Telling him to keep awake. All he wanted to do was sleep. He felt so tired. It didn't help the fact that the world seemed to be spinning. He just wanted to shut his eyes, go to sleep, and never wake up- just to rid whatever he was feeling. He didn't remember much about anything. He felt cold, but he also felt warm. It was a strange feeling. He felt like he was so weak, like someone had pulled out his 'energy plug', leaving him helpless.

He didn't really recognise the voices. He knew that he must know them, but from where? They sounded familiar to him. Then tiredness. Like a wave of exhaustion passing over him. He heard voices saying things, but he couldn't understand what they were saying. They were saying something about staying awake, but he couldn't. He didn't feel able to hold on to consciousness for much longer. He just wanted to sleep...

Robyn and Iain watched worriedly as Ethan closed his eyes and slipped further down the wall he was resting on- slipping into unconsciousness. Robyn grabbed his wrist- in turn, feeling for a pulse. It felt fast- a lot faster than it should have been. Irregular too. It was like an out-of-time song. She glanced up to meet Iain's questioning but scared gaze- she shook her head in dismay, grimacing.

Iain sighed and asked, "where the heck is that ambu-"

"-here!" Came Dixie's harmonious voice, interrupting him mid-sentence. "What the...? Iain, what the hell's happened?" She saw Robyn, Iain, and an unconscious Ethan. Three things sprang to mind. One- why were they in a police station? Two- why did Ethan look like death? Three- what is Ethan wearing?! The first and third obviously not important in this instance.

"Ethan was drugged by Bonnie." Robyn told her sadly- still feeling Ethan's pulse which seemed to become more and more irregular as time went on. Dixie's eyes widened in shock- just as the second paramedic came up behind her with a trolley. Dixie came to her senses just moments after and started to examine Ethan- not doubting that Robyn and Iain had already done so.

"What can you tell me, then?"

"Okay, he seemed to be fine- okay, so a little ill when we met him here. He finished telling the Police Officer over there," Iain pointed to the scared looking person behind the desk who was peering anxiously at what was happening, "and then declined. It was like he couldn't stand. He hasn't been able to form words very well- a lot of it being nonsense," his voice wavered as he was recalling the past minutes he had spent with, what seemed like, a dying colleague, "and seemed to be dizzy. We tried to keep him awake, we did, but he lost consciousness just moments before you arrived." Dixie nodded, storing all the information in her head. "He hasn't stopped trembling-"

"-pulse is getting weaker." Robyn interrupted.

"Right, well, we're going to have to get him in as soon as possible." Dixie rubbed a hand through her hair in frustration. She hated seeing Ethan so weak and vulnerable. He could well be dying. Not on her watch. No way.

"Right, can you guys help us get him on this trolley?" It was more of an instruction than a question. Iain and Robyn nodded. The four of them, with some difficulty considering Ethan's current position, managed to maneuver him onto the flat trolley. It didn't take long, but his condition already declined throughout that. "Have you called Cal?" She asked as they made their way to the ambulance- thankful thee tyres hadn't been damaged in any way.

"He's meeting us at the hospital." The nurse informed the paramedic. "Can we come with you?" She asked after Ethan was safely in the back of the ambulance.

"Sure, there's enough room." Dixie agreed, waiting for Iain and Robyn to hop in. "Okay, we can go now." She informed her fellow colleague in the front, who sped off with the blues on.

"Do you have any idea what the drug is?" Robyn and Iain shook their heads. They never thought to ask Ethan, they doubted he knew anyway. How did she drug him? They hadn't solved that mystery either. Iain rested his head against the back of the ambulance. He was calm when it was life or death, but somehow, when it was his friend, he was anything  _but_ calm. "Well, hopefully the ED can find out." She commented.

"We might need to warn them that Ethan's coming in." Robyn bit her lower lip. She knew she was right for suggesting it, but she just hoped she wasn't the one to call them. It was hard enough calling Cal- and she hadn't even told him the problem. "How long will we be there in?"

"About 4 minutes if no one gets in the way of the ambulance."  _Was there any need to call it in?_  Robyn wondered. "They'll find out in four minutes." Dixie spoke, as if reading Robyn's thoughts. Robyn blew out a breath and stared down at the doctor who looked close to dying.

She just hoped the Grim Reaper wouldn't pay him a visit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Thank you all so much for your amazing reviews so far, and to those who have followed and favourited. I cannot put into words how much all of that means to me! I'm so glad you are liking this story so far. I do hope you continue to enjoy it. As always, thoughts on this chapter? Anyway, thank you again!

Cal raced like a mad man, all the way to the ED- where Robyn told him to go. He seemed to have woken up fully by the end of the phone call with Robyn, and couldn't get in his car fast enough. It helped he'd fallen asleep on the sofa- meaning he was still fully dressed. That didn't bother him that much, though. What did was the fact that Robyn sounded panicked- worried almost. He knew it must have something to do with his little brother. If anyone dared hurt him…

It didn't bear thinking about. He almost lost him once- he just hoped he wouldn't again. But, if it was to do with Ethan- and no doubt it was, considering there would be no other need to disturb Cal- what exactly had happened? Robyn told him to meet him there. Was she at the ED, watching over a potentially dying man? It chilled him to the bone to think about Ethan dying. He thought back to the conversation. She said to him, " _There's no easy way to break this to you."_  Was Ethan dead already? Was that why she was so reluctant to tell him over the phone? "Jesus, Ethan. You better not be dead," he said to the steering wheel he was on the verge of thumping. Considering he was stuck at a red light, it was a perfectly reasonable reaction.

Then he thought to the second- and last- thing she told him.  _"Cal...just meet me at the hospital, okay? Try not to worry, I'll explain it all."_ Explain what? Well, what had happened to Ethan. Her tone didn't convey one of ' _Ethan's dead_ ', more injured. It was definitely about Ethan, that Cal was sure of. She told him not to worry- something he wasn't having much luck with- especially if his driving was anything to go by. Cal was surprised himself when he hadn't been stopped by police. He'd definitely sped through a couple of zones- doing 40mph when he was meant to be doing 25. He couldn't care less about it. He was careful- missing other cars, but he needed to get to the ED. He nearly went through a couple of red lights in his panicked state, but eventually- after what felt like an age and a half- reached the hospital.

Cal practically jumped out of the vehicle he was so recklessly driving. He slammed the door shut- not caring about the tremendous noise it made in the quiet of the night. He was focused on one thing and one thing only. His brother. Wait...hang on...Cal realised something crucial. It was coming to the end of his brother's shift. If not,  _the_  end of it. He didn't bother to check the time. But, if Ethan was injured, was it in the hospital- or had he gone walk-about in the middle of his shift? That wasn't like Ethan, not like him at all. Maybe it was nothing to do with Ethan. Even though everything inside of Cal was telling him that his little brother was in danger, there was still that minute and flicker of hope that resided in Cal's heart. Maybe Ethan was alright.

If only Cal realised, there and then, how wrong he really was.

The older brother raced through the doors of the ED and his legs stopped right at the front reception desk. He didn't even notice the queue of people waiting to be treated (now giving him dirty looks). Noel turned around to the clearly panicked doctor- a confused look on his face. Cal should have been at home. Sleeping. Cal was about to speak when he found his mouth wouldn't work- pure fear of the unknown haunting him. Noel raised his eyebrows and coughed- bringing Cal back to his senses a little more.

"Where's Ethan?" He demanded. Noel just stared at him, taken aback by the man's persistent yet worried tone. The receptionist just looked at him. "Where the hell is my brother?!" Cal repeated, a little louder this time. Did Noel not realise his brother was injured and possibly in this very ED? Noel shrugged his shoulders.

"Saw him walk out earlier. Hanssen went nuts." He answered plainly. Cal racked his memory.  _Hanssen...Hanssen...Henrick Hanssen of course! The CEO. What did he have to do with Ethan, and what was Ethan doing walking out...during a shift?!_ In answer to Cal's questioning look, Noel spoke. "Hanssen decided, very kindly, to pay a visit here. Ethan walked out and he went mad. ' _Very unprofessional conduct_ '." Cal could hear the change in Noel's voice during the last sentence and correctly assumed that he was imitating the CEO.

"Did he come back at all?" Cal could feel his breathing get faster. Something had obviously happened to Ethan while he was out. The ' _no_ ' from Noel only confirmed that. Cal looked at Louise who waved her hand at him- obviously wanting him to go away and let them do their job- the queue only becoming longer- especially because Cal had taken up one of the receptionist's time. Caleb, however, didn't really care about anything but finding out where his brother was, and if it was indeed his brother who had been hurt. "What about Robyn? Where's Robyn?" He interrogated the older man even more.

"She went with Iain somewhere. Didn't tell me where." Noel shrugged his shoulders and sighed deeply. "Coming to think about it, Hanssen wasn't too pleased about that either." Cal shook his head in annoyance- the feeling of worry surging through him.

"She didn't come back?" Cal guessed. Noel nodded and Cal ran a hand through his hair. Could this night get any worse? Stupid question, of course it would. A paramedic, a nurse and a doctor- his brother- had gone gallivanting off somewhere. Cal could only assume they were together- after all, Robyn called him, and Cal thought she was calling about his brother.

He knew he was going to get nothing more out of the receptionist, so took a step back- allowing him to actually do his job. Cal looked around- thinking hard. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Zoe, Connie and Lofty walking briskly towards the doors of the ED. He huffed. Probably a late night RTC or something. Must have been serious if both Connie  _and_  Zoe were on the case. He heard the all-too-familiar sound of the sirens and then them turning off as the ambulance came to a halt.

Pure curiosity over this case made his legs take him outside. What happened next made his stomach knot uncomfortably and a feeling of pure and utter dread form in the pit of his stomach. He saw both Robyn and Iain jump out of the ambulance. That could only mean one thing. The person on the trolley was Cal's little brother. Cal walked shakily up to the back of the ambulance- watching as they unloaded an unconscious and male figure. He heard Connie gasp- and could only assume it was because she had recognised the man as Ethan.

"What happened?" Was all Lofty could ask as he too recognised the man on the trolley. His voice wavered as he spoke. Ethan looked so pale and young. He could almost be sleeping. If it wasn't for the fact that he looked really sick, he definitely could have been sleeping.

Robyn's gaze drew towards Cal. She had tears in her eyes as she thought back to when they met him at the police station. He was still standing then- standing and talking properly. It seemed days away- when in reality it was only in the past hour that everything seemed to go wrong. He declined so rapidly- so fast that he could barely string a word together- he couldn't stand, he could barely breath. Now he was lying on death's door because "he was drugged," Robyn said eventually.

It was a simple enough statement, but it stung Cal. It physically hurt Cal to know that someone would deliberately do this to his brother. Who would dare to drug Ethan? He would never do anything to provoke that kind of thing.

"We met him at the police station." The nurse didn't elaborate. She could still see everything that happened. It was as clear as day in her mind. She couldn't bear to repeat it, and, by the look on Iain's face, he didn't want to either. Their main priority was seeing to Ethan- who seemed to be slowly declining in front of their eyes.

Zoe, Connie and Lofty were shocked to say the least, but they remained ever the professionals. Cal watched on, completely numb to everything, as they wheeled the trolley through to RECUS. Everything they said flew over his head. All of Ethan's vitals, his condition, Cal didn't absorb any of it. He was watching Ethan; his only focus was on Ethan, the entire time. When asked, he refused to leave RECUS; he refused to leave his brother's side. He was persistent that he would stay with Ethan.

Through all the worry, all the anxiety, all the panic, there was only one thing playing on his mind.

_I'm going to kill whoever did this._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I would just like to thank you for the continued support through this story, and the follows and favourites so far! Reviews, follows and favourites really mean a lot to me and I can't thank you enough! So, on with Chapter 5!

Cal watched worriedly as his friends were trying to save his little brother. He knew Iain was trying to get him to step out of RECUS but the sheer thought of leaving his brother felt like a knife to the chest. He would not leave Ethan alone. Iain's words didn't make sense inside of Cal's mind. They were just a jumbled mess. Everyone else's words, however, were precision. His ears were tuned into what they we saying. Every sentence, every word, every syllable, every letter. Everything they said. Everything Lofty said about the monitor he was watching. Cal could see every line of it. Every little bump and dip. Cal could see it. Ever little action Zoe or Connie or Robyn did. Every little test, every little word they said to each other. Every shake of the head, every drop in their smile. It was like he was tuned into it- and nothing could stop it.

"Ethan, can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?" Zoe asked gently- slipping her hand into Ethan's cold and limp one. She held her's there for a moment, desperately hoping to feel something. Her mind was nearly making her feel the sensation of movement from Ethan- but her sense of sight told her it was nothing more than false hope. When there was no movement coming from Ethan's, she withdrew her own hand and shook her head towards the others. Grimacing, she said, "Lofty, how's it looking?" Zoe lifted her head towards the nurse who was watching the monitors and saw him shake his head grimly.

"He's tachycardic at one-twenty, BP is eighty over fifty, resps at nine." He stated, shaking his head even more at the sheer seriousness of his friend's condition. He looked around him and saw the worried looks on everyone's faces. No one was hiding them like they would usually do for a patient. He knew why. This was Ethan. A colleague, a friend, a brother. He looked towards Cal and saw Iain trying to get him out of the room. Lofty almost smiled at the persistence Cal put up to be with Ethan.

"Do we know what this drug is?" Connie asked loudly over the noise of everything else. She stood there for a few seconds looking expectantly at everyone- though her gaze did draw to Robyn and Iain more than it did to anyone else. No one answered. "Right…" She muttered to herself, "right." She shone a torch into each of Ethan's eyes, checking for anything. Dilation, pinpoint maybe? Would Ethan be able to follow the light- or react to it in anyway? "Dilated pupils, no response." Connie stated, sighing out of frustration.

"Pulse is rising..." Lofty informed them- scrunching his face up out of dread. He sighed to himself- wondering who actually would do this to such a sweet and kind man who would not harm or insult anyone in anyway. It definitely confused him more than he was ready to admit.

"Come on! You have to do something!" Cal shouted at them while Iain was still trying to get him out of the room. "You're medics for God's sake!" Connie turned around to look at him, and she didn't look angry- like Cal expected her to. She looked more sympathetic, like she didn't care that Cal was shouting, like she almost expected if off of the young man. Cal didn't know what to think of that. He didn't really know what to think of anything. All he could think of was that his little brother was lying there and he wasn't being saved. Ethan could be dying for all anyone knew and they weren't doing anything about it. "Let me help." He said a little more calmly than before. Connie shook her head slowly. "Oh, come on! I've saved his life once, I can do it again!" That was true. He did save Ethan's life- even Connie and Lofty saw him. He was a good enough doctor to save Ethan's life. He did it once. He can easily save his brother's life once more.

"That was under very special circumstances, Cal." The doctor was mildly taken aback at the use of his first name by the Clinical Lead. It was always 'Dr Knight'. Why the sudden change? Sympathy maybe… or perhaps the fact that Cal was only a relative now? One thing- in all his thoughts- he was certain about; he was not a doctor right now. He had to step back from the plate- as it were. As much as he didn't want to. "We did all pass our exams, remember?" She said rhetorically. "We will do what we can for him." She walked over to him and put a reassuring hand on his arm- one which he didn't shrug off. "We'll continue to monitor his condition and get the bloods that Robyn's-" she gestured over to the nurse in question, who was currently taking bloods from the still unconscious Ethan, "-doing sent off. Then we'll know the drug, we can treat it, and your brother's condition will improve." She said confidently- almost determinedly. Her tone didn't waver from its ever-calming one. She walked back over to her patient- one of her colleagues- and continued to treat him.

"Okay… yeah, okay." Cal said- still unsure about everything. He obviously had total faith in his friends, but sometimes faith wasn't enough to make sure that your brother would be alright. Sometimes faith needed a little more than belief. Cal knew what he needed. He needed to know the name of the drug. He needed them to know the name of the drug so they could treat it and help Ethan recover. Then Ethan could explain what happened. What happened in his words. Cal knew Robyn and Iain each had a story to tell- but Ethan was the one that was drugged. His was the most important story of them all. If he didn't get better… it didn't bear thinking about.

Cal took a calming breath in and exhaled- aware Iain had given up trying to remove him from RECUS. Now, Iain was standing next to Cal. Doing just what the doctor was doing. Watching. Waiting. Hoping.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Thank you ever so much for the reviews on the last chapter. For all of you who do write, you will know how amazing it is when someone leaves a positive review! It definitely keeps me going. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! (3 minutes before midnight on Wednesday... that's definitely cutting it fine!)

"Are you absolutely certain that you don't know what the drug is?" Connie interrogated Robyn and Iain tiredly. She'd just been pacing up and down for two minutes trying her best to wrack her medical knowledge for what the drug could be. She'd done so many years in the medical profession and yet she couldn't pinpoint a simple drug. But, she supposed- neither could a blood test. So, it wasn't all bad for her reputation. _Shut up, Connie!_  She berated herself,  _your reputation isn't the thing that matters here!_  She was right, of course. What mattered was the possible dying colleague on the Recus bed in front of her.

"Positive." Robyn confirmed.

"Or negative, depending on the situation." Following everyone's confused looks, Iain started to elaborate. "I mean, the blood results came back negative and you've just..." He stopped chuckling lightly to himself when no one else seemed amused. "I'll stop," he said, shaking his head.

"That's Ethan's sense of humour, that is." Cal muttered, eyes still fixed on his very ill brother. Connie gave him a sympathetic smile. It may be his sense of humour, but it may be a sense of humour they would never get from the doctor and that sense of humor could die alone with him. No! He wasn't going to die. Connie wouldn't allow it.

Connie gritted her teeth together, "why can't I work it out?" She exclaimed.

"Well, the drug will make it's way out of his system and he'll be right as rain." Zoe said to everyone, though she didn't quite believe it herself.

Lofty continued to stand by the monitors and watch for any change, Iain continued to stand by Cal- watching his friend suffer in his condition, wondering if he could have been quicker with Ethan. Connie was still pacing around, hand on the back of her head as she tried to think. Zoe was watching Ethan for any sign of him regaining consciousness. Robyn was looking through Ethan's notes, studying his symptoms, seeing if she could help in any way. She noticed anxious colleagues occasionally wandering past, peering in worriedly and Cal? Cal was stood still, eyes fixed on his possibly dying brother.

"Right, we can move to a side-room now. He's out of immediate danger." Connie stated once she finally stopped pacing. "Can someone get a port-" Her talking was cut short as her eyes-widened and she span round, immediately rushing to Ethan. He definitely was still in immediate danger.

Everyone heard the rattling of Ethan's hospital bed as his muscled jerked frantically and he started having a violent seizure. Cal couldn't move; his feet were frozen to the ground; his legs were weak. He wasn't even sure if he could stand much longer while watching his brother fitting. It made him shiver and his blood run cold. His brother was so helpless, and Cal couldn't do anything to help.

"Right, get him on his side." Zoe instructed the others in the room. She saw, out of the corner of her eye, Iain guiding Cal to an empty Recus bed to sit down. She had noticed how pale Ethan's brother had gone and knew Iain's decision was for the best. But, Zoe drew her mind away from him and focused back on Ethan. Connie, Robyn, Lofty and she were now holding Ethan on his side- waiting for the seizure to pass. It was definitely on the more serious end of the spectrum. It was violent and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.

"Lofty, could you hand me 5mls of diazipam please?" Connie asked politely, still with an air of urgency about it. Ethan's seizure wasn't stopping, and it really needed to.

"Wait! Are you sure? He was drugged, after all." Zoe expressed, obviously concerned. Connie had second thoughts. "Diazipam shouldn't do anything unless it's some sort of benzodiazepine, which I highly doubt." Connie bit her lower lip, anxiously trying to decide what to do. "We need this seizure to stop." She concluded, hand out for Lofty.

Lofty carefully gave her the diazipam and Connie injected into Ethan- stopping the extreme seizure he was in. Finally, it came to a halt and Ethan's body went limp. "Okay, let's keep him on his side."

"I'm not happy with his breathing." Zoe commented. The others all nodded their heads. It sounded raspy, shallow and slow definitely worse than it was before his seizure. Then they noticed a different type of movement on the bed. Ethan was regaining consciousness.

Robyn sprung into action, kneeling down so Ethan could see her. "Ethan, it's Robyn. You're safe, alright? You're in the ED. I need you to stay still for me." Ethan nodded ever so slightly; one could easily miss it.

"... si... ck..." He whispered breathlessly. Lofty grabbed a bowl and placed it under Ethan's head. Lofty was just in time before Ethan was sick. Once he had finished, Lofty disposed of the bowl and Ethan's breathing was still getting worse. Something was seriously wrong.

"He okay?" Cal asked, worried. He couldn't see his brother from where he was sat down. Cal didn't really fancy getting up- he was sure his legs didn't work quite yet; he could still feel them shaking. No one answered him for a few seconds. Cal would have shouted, but that would worry the now awake Ethan. "Well?"

Connie walked over to Cal and placed a reassuring arm on his shoulder. Iain still had an arm across his back. "His breathing is getting a lot worse than it was. I'm thinking... well... ventilation." She saw Cal's eyes go wide. "It's alright, it's just his breathing that we're very concerned about now- the other symptoms seem less important. I mean, it might do- to risk further injury via sedation- to sedate him while we incubate, then wake him up. His body won't have the strain of trying to breath, and we won't cause more damage." Cal took a moment to process all of that information.

"Are you sure the quick sedation won't do anything?"

"Well..." She hesitated, "...not when it's that quick."

"Then do it." Connie nodded and walked back over to Ethan.

"Ethan," Zoe spoke softly and slowly so Ethan could understand every word she was saying, "I understand you must be feeling very scared right now, and you're finding it very hard to breathe, but we have a solution. We're going to need to sedate you very briefly to help with your breathing. When you wake up, you may be very scared but we'll be here, alright?" Zoe reassured him. Ethan nodded ever so slightly, breathing still getting worse.

"Okay, all ready?" Connie adressed everyone else, who nodded. "Right, let's start this."

"... c... al..." Ethan breathed slowly, trying his hardest to move to see his brother. He was too weak, though, and didn't manage it.

Cal heard his brother and immediately jumped into action. His legs almost gave way beneath him but wanting to get to his brother was the key to letting him get there without falling. He stepped into Ethan's line of sight. "It's alright, Eth. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Cal told Ethan.

"S... sc.. air...red..."

"Hey, it's going to be alright. Don't worry, just relax. I'm here." Cal said, taking his brother's weak hand in his own and kneeling down so he would be easier for Ethan to see. Cal smiled warmly at Ethan and Ethan would have smiled back if he had the energy.

"Ready?" Connie asked once more. Everyone gave a nod of agreement and Connie injected Ethan, sending him off to a dreamless and peaceful sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for the reviews, I really am torturing poor Ethan! This has got to be one of my favourite chapters on this story considering I had a burst of inspiration for it. On with the seventh chapter!

It felt weird. He felt numb but awake. He felt sort of detached, but he could hear people around him. His chest burnt and he felt slightly nauseous but he wasn't having trouble breathing. He was breathing with ease. Almost. That's when he noticed a strange sensation in his throat, like something was there, but it wasn't giving him much discomfort. In fact, he didn't even feel his gag reflex kicking in. He tried to move his arm but felt gentle resistance holding it down. Coming to think of it, he felt a little too weak anyway. He doubted he could do very much.

"Ethan, can you hear me buddy?" He recognised that voice, he was sure of it. It sounded deep; definitely a man's voice. "It's Cal, Eth. You're in the hospital, in the ED. Can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?" His brother's voice. He felt a hand slip into his own- immediately he felt comfort from it in this unfamiliar and frankly frightening situation. He remembered his brother's instruction and squeezed his hand weakly. He felt Cal's hand squeeze back and he could hear his brother's voice again, "he's awake." It sounded like Cal was addressing someone else.

Ethan then heard the familiar sound of heels clicking, growing nearer. They stopped and Ethan immediately felt a little weird. Did he just imagine that? Nothing proceeded for a few seconds. Then a person spoke and Ethan realised the heels belonged to none other than the clinical lead. "How's it looking?" Ethan could tell she was talking to someone other than Cal. There were a few more moments of silence where Ethan held his brother's hand. It wasn't very tight, but Ethan felt safer having physical touch with someone in this unknown situation.

It was then that Ethan became familiar with a beeping noise that he heard a lot in his job. He could instantly tell it was from a hospital monitor, it was beeping a heart rate, a continuous beating of one of the most important organs in a human body. But, it sounded so close, so near to Ethan. He was sure he'd only been this close a handful of times; usually as a patient. It must have been his machine.

Ethan wasn't entirely sure whether to feel oddly relaxed or strangely mortified by hearing the scattered beep of his heart. It seemed like he wasn't the only one listening though, as another voice spoke out through the darkness. "Heart rate normal, BP is fine, and the ventilator is doing its job." Ethan was certain that voice belonged to Lofty, the curly haired nurse that had become a somewhat drinking buddy to his brother.

Ethan ran over that information in his head. He could hear his own heart beat, and although he didn't feel quite himself, he was sure it was fine. Now it had been confirmed he relaxed a little. He was still in the right mind to determine things like that. His BP was his blood pressure; if he recalled correctly. He then noticed a periodical squeezing on his right arm. That must have been the BP cuff, or he was imagining it. The latter seemed unlikely as he hadn't been imagining anything so far. However, he remembered the third thing Lofty said. Ventilator; if Ethan had heard correctly. Is that what the strange sensation in his throat was? No wonder he wasn't having trouble breathing any longer- a machine was doing the work for him.

But that didn't solve the mystery of why Ethan was feeling so...  _rough_. He felt so feeble. His brain still felt a little muddled and he could hardly remember much. Of course he remembered his brother, and his colleagues, and a couple of things he would come across in his job, but why did he feel like this, and why was he in hospital? He needed to know, but found he couldn't talk. He should have guessed; he did have a tube sticking down his throat. He wanted to grab it, to tear it out. He wanted to speak. Ethan screwed his eyes shut momentarily (considering he hadn't opened them yet, he did feel a little apprehensive) before finally opening them, instantly blinded by the harsh lights ahead. He shut his eyes again and opened them slower, trying to adjust to the light. It was almost like he hadn't seen light in years. For Ethan, that could well be the case. He still didn't know much and he couldn't talk.

Ethan felt some pressure on his hand (the one Caleb was still holding) before seeing a very familiar face make an appearance in his line of sight. "Hey, Ethan." The figure addressed. Ethan looked pleadingly into the eyes of his brother, trying to tell him what he couldn't say. "It will all be okay, you just need to relax." He spoke soothingly and Ethan found he was somewhat comforted by it. But that didn't change the fact that he couldn't speak.

He saw Cal disappear and he felt him let go of his hand. Immediately Ethan panicked. He felt desperately alone. He couldn't speak or see anyone or have any physical contact with anyone. He felt scared. He felt terrified. He could hear the beeping getting faster, but it sounded far more distant than it was earlier. He felt like he needed more oxygen in his lungs, but he couldn't drag any in due to the ventilator. It felt constricted and Ethan just wanted his brother.

Suddenly, he felt pressure in his hand again and Ethan gripped onto the hand like a lifeline. Even though Ethan's grip was very weak, he needed this contact. The all-too-familiar face appeared again and spoke to him. "Ethan, I need you to try and relax, alright. Just concentrate on my hand, alright? Don't try and speak, just relax." The voice calmed Ethan enough to feel like he wasn't being starved of oxygen. He listened to the steadying beep of the monitor and squeezed his brother's hand again. He didn't feel Cal try and pull back and Ethan was glad he wasn't being left alone again.

He heard his brother speak out again, and knew it was directed at someone else. "I think he wants to tell me something." Ethan could have thanked his brother there and then. Finally. Maybe now he could find a way to tell them.

He then heard a new voice. "Robyn," Ethan immediately pinpointed that voice to Zoe, "can you get me some paper and a pencil, please?" That confirmed that Robyn was there too, and Zoe. But, why was Zoe asking that of her? What did she need it for? Ethan dismissed it, he couldn't really think of anything and trying to was starting to give him a headache.

Ethan scanned his vision for his brother's face. He desperately needed to hear his voice again. It was more known to him and it felt good to hear it. Ethan was still so scared. He still didn't know what was happening and it made him panic. He squeezed his brother's still interlocked hand again and felt Cal squeeze is back. "It's alright, Eth. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere." Ethan believed him, because right now, all he could do was hold onto that belief.

"Thanks," he heard Zoe say gratefully. He assumed Robyn had brought her what she required. "Get him to write it down." She said, and Ethan was even more confused now. Who was writing what down?

A male voice, similar but different in the accent from Cal, said, "he's not strong enough, surely?" He wracked his hurting mind to try and put a name to that voice. It frustrated him that he couldn't remember, but he was sure he had heard that voice not long ago. It had said something about someone walking. That didn't help. It only frustrated him more.

"It's worth a shot, Iain." Cal said, and Ethan finally put a name to the voice. Iain, the paramedic. But, what was he saying about someone walking. He was saying it earlier that evening, Ethan was sure of it. It was straight after someone said something about the sharps bin. It was straight after... Robyn. Robyn and Iain said something, but in what context? Ethan couldn't remember and it was annoying.

"Ethan, can you try and write down what you want to say?" Now it became apparent what the pencil and paper were for. Ethan wasn't sure he could even get his grip tight enough on a pencil- let alone write with it. Could he even remember how to write? How to form letters, even? It was worth a shot and Cal let go of Ethan's hand, instead putting a pencil in its place.

Ethan put all of his (little) strength into trying to hold the pencil in a position that would enable him to write something. He could barely see what he was doing and he didn't have enough energy to lift his arm very high. He managed to write something but he wouldn't have been surprised if it was just an illegible scribble. There were a few moments of silence; in which, Ethan grip loosened on the pencil which dropped. Cal took his hand again and the familiar comfort returned.

"I think it says,  _'what happened? Can't remember_.'." Connie said, and Ethan was very surprised that he managed to write it. "But I can't be sure. There are a couple of letters missing and the words are misspelled." She continued, and Ethan felt his heart plummet. That was what he had written (or at least, tried to write). He squeezed Cal's hand again, by way of getting his attention.

"Is that what you wrote, Ethan?" Ethan managed a very slight; very tired nod and he saw Cal smile. "Confirmation from the man himself." He heard his brother say to Connie. "Okay, well..." Ethan heard his brother falter, then he heard a sharp intake of breath from someone.

He then heard, what sounded like, a very alarmed sigh. "His blood results are back," he heard Zoe say sadly. "I don't know why we didn't spot this before!" She sounded frustrated, and Ethan felt Cal squeeze his hand. Ethan screwed his eyes shut in the hopes of not hearing anything bad. He was mildly aware of Zoe saying things about the drug and the name of the drug, but he focused on the beep of his machine; and could hear the beeps get more frequent. That meant he was getting physically panicked. He tried to relax but instantly regretted it as he managed to hear the last part of what Zoe said. "The drug is shutting down his entire system."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been a while, and I apoligise for that. I haven't been feeling too great but I'm getting there so I have another chapter of this for you. Unfortunately there's no Casualty today, but here's a longer chapter to make up for it! Thank you so much for all the support I've had on this story so far, it's been wonderful! (Just so you don't get confused, this overlaps with the previous chapter.) On with chapter 8!

Cal had his eyes trained on his little brother. He'd never thought he'd been so scared for Ethan in all his life. Apart from the car crash and Ethan's broken arm when he was about five years old, this was the most scared he'd ever been. He could physically feel his heart thumping against his rib-cage and the blood pumping in his ears. He knew his knees were wobbling, but he refused to sit down again. All he was waiting for was any sign that Ethan would be waking up after the sedation.

Connie had assured him that the sedation wouldn't do him any harm, but if Cal was honest, he didn't quite believe that. Ethan would have most probably died if he hadn't been ventilated, but Cal still didn't like the idea of sedation - after all, Ethan had an as yet unidentified drug in his system that could well be killing him, and Connie might have just made it worse.

So now Cal was standing by Iain, waiting and watching his brother.

Then he saw something that filled him with so much hope. He watched carefully as his little brother's arm moved weakly, and Cal knew he had to keep still. Cal moved forward and place his hand on Ethan's arm - taking note that Ethan didn't provide much resistance. It could have just been a random muscle spasm. "Ethan, can you hear me buddy?" Cal asked kindly. Then he realised that his little brother would be very disorientated if he was awake. "It's Cal, Eth. You're in the hospital, in the ED. Can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?" Cal took his hand away from Ethan's arm and slipped his hand into Ethan's. He noticed it was cold, but then tried to feel any indication that Ethan heard him. He waited a few moments, and just when he thought that Ethan wasn't awake, he felt a very light pressure on his hand, "he's awake," he told Connie.

Connie moved towards Cal and he saw her look down at Ethan, inspecting him almost. Like she was waiting for him to decline, like she expected him to decline. She nodded - seemingly deep in thought. "How's it looking?" Cal noticed she hadn't looked towards the monitors, and knew she directed that question at Lofty who seemed to only be focusing on the monitors. Made sense, Cal supposed.

Cal kept the hold on his brother's hand. He found some comfort in knowing that Ethan was alright, he found some comfort in knowing that if he gets even more worried about Ethan, all he has to ask is for Ethan to squeeze his hand. Cal didn't really like the idea of letting go of the physical contact he had with Ethan at this moment. For now, he will stay like this.

Cal then heard Lofty, "heart rate normal, BP is fine, and the ventilator is doing its job." Cal blew out a breath. He didn't really want to look at Ethan's stats for fear something went wrong. It was, as they say, 'ignorance is bliss'. However, Cal supposed that if it was true then why did he want to know the name of the drug so badly. He didn't want to know it because as soon as it's identified, then everything would become all too real. The symptoms would mean something, and those symptoms could possibly lead to something awful, something which Cal didn't want to know. Then why did he want to know what the drug was? Maybe because he  _wanted_  it to feel real, because right now, he needs to make Ethan feel better, and to do that - he needs the name of the drug.

Nothing happened for a moment or two. An eerie silence lingered in the air; the only sounds coming from machines monitoring Ethan and keeping him alive. You could also hear, Cal noticed, other people's breathing as they waited for something...  _anything_  to happen. They were all waiting for the blood results, and until they returned, it was a simple case of waiting.

Cal watched his brother's face as Ethan's eyes screwed up and his forehead creased. He desperately wanted Ethan to open his eyes; but he was only shutting them more. Maybe something was wrong...

Cal scratched that thought immediately when he saw Ethan's eyes crack open a touch, but he shut them again. Cal looked around, confused. It was so obvious, he realised. The light; bright light in the hospital. Cal watched as Ethan opened his eyes a little slower, and he was so pleased Ethan kept his eyes open.

Watching for a flicker of recognition in his little brother's eyes, Cal leaned forward and started to talk. "Hey, Ethan." Cal smiled when he saw Ethan's eyes focus on him, but his face indicated something... a struggle for something maybe? "It will all be okay, you just need to relax." He spoke as soothingly and as calmly as he could to ease Ethan's obvious worry.

Cal felt a tap on his shoulder and turned his head to see Connie beckon him over. He was reluctant to leave Ethan's side, but guessed Connie wanted to tell or ask him something where Ethan couldn't hear. Cal slipped his hand out of Ethan's and walked to Connie.

But he realised that was a mistake. Connie didn't even start to speak before a sound that they heard so much in their job grew faster. Cal span round and watched the monitor's lines become less organised and structured. He then turned his attention to his brother who's eyes were darting around rapidly, and his face was flushed. Cal  _needed_  him to be calm.

Cal grasped Ethan's hand in his own and felt Ethan hold onto it desperately. It was still a very weak grip, but that wasn't what mattered right now. The older brother made sure he was in Ethan's line of sight and started speaking in a calming but reassuring tone. "Ethan, I need you to try and relax, alright? Just concentrate on my hand, alright? Don't try and speak, just relax." Cal watched at Ethan seemed to be calming down and he felt Ethan squeeze his hand again. Cal blew out a small breath, at least something went right.

He looked at Ethan more closely. He looked slightly agitated, and he looked like he was trying to communicate with Cal. "I think he wants to tell me something," he told all in the room, not really directing it at any particular person.

"Robyn," Zoe addressed, "can you get me some paper and a pencil, please?" Cal knew why she was asking, but he highly doubted whether Ethan would be able to get his grip tight enough on the pencil to write a single letter, let alone a full word. It was worth a try though, wasn't it?

Cal felt a light pressure on his hand and made sure he scooted closer to his little brother. Cal squeezed his brother's hand back and spoke calmly again, "it's alright, Eth. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere." He knew Ethan needed all the reassurance he could get so he wouldn't panic again.

Cal noticed Zoe thanking Zoe behind him and knew Robyn had given her the items she needed. "Get him to write it down." She said, and Cal realised she was talking to him. Zoe walked the short distance to him and handed him the pencil and paper.

"He's not strong enough, surely?" Iain asked skeptically, shaking his head.

"It's worth a shot, Iain." Cal said. "Ethan," he started talking directly to his brother now, "can you try and write down what you want to say?" Cal reluctantly slipped his hand out of Ethan's and put a pencil in it's place. He watched as Ethan tried with all his might to hold the pencil in place, smiling when Ethan managed to write something down.

Cal's brow furrowed as he took the paper and tried to read the practically illegible scribble. It said, ' _wht hapmed. Cnt rmembr.'_. Cal could have laughed at how bad it looked, but the more serious part of him realised that Ethan  _never_  wrote like this. He heard the pencil drop on the floor and Cal took Ethan's hand again, handing the paper to Connie.

"I think it says, 'what happened? Can't remember.'." Connie said, and Ethan was very surprised that he managed to read it the same as Connie did, "but I can't be sure. There are a couple of letters missing and the words are misspelled." She continued. Cal knew this, and it made him angry. Angry at the person who did this, who made Ethan like this, who made him so unwell that he couldn't even spell words properly. He felt Ethan squeeze his hand again and guessed Ethan wanted his attention.

"Is that what you wrote, Ethan?" Cal watched carefully and saw Ethan do a very small and weak nod, and Cal himself smiled. "Confirmation from the man himself." Cal told Connie as vibrantly as he could. "Okay, well..." Cal faltered. Should he tell Ethan what caused all this and risk Ethan becoming panicked again?

Before Cal could continue, he heard Zoe sigh; it sounded like a sigh he really didn't want to hear. His eyes widened and he turned his head towards the previous clinical lead. "His blood results are back," she said to everyone sadly, and Cal's breathing hitched. He didn't but did want to know what the drug is. Now he was going to find out. "I don't know why we didn't spot this before!" She exclaimed frustratingly. Cal squeezed Ethan's hand, mainly for Cal's own piece of mind.

Cal watched Ethan squeeze his eyes shut and he heard Zoe repeat the results of the blood test. He heard the beeping of Ethan's machine getting faster and Ethan getting more flushed. He willed Ethan to stop panicking but he found he couldn't calm his own brother down. The name of the drug span around in his head. He had never had patients who had consumed it, but he knew it was dangerous. He knew it was very dangerous.

He sighed sweet relief when Ethan seemed to be getting calmer, and it brought him back to the present, just in time to hear the last part of what Zoe was saying. "The drug is shutting down his entire system."

Cal froze. This was not happening. No. He wouldn't believe it. Cal slowly raised his head and looked around the room. Lofty looked devastated, Robyn looked shocked, Iain looked scared, Connie looked upset and Zoe just looked panicked. "This has to be some sort of sick joke," he said disbelievingly. He saw Zoe shake her head slowly. "Come on, Zoe. Run another blood test, at least!" He persisted. "Please!"

Cal needed his brother to pull through. The blood test was wrong, jet was definitely wrong. Ethan was too young to die and the blood test was wrong. It had to be wrong. No one would ever want to hurt Ethan  _that_  badly, surely? To drug someone was one thing, but to poison them so they die; probably very painfully; was another thing.

Zoe swallowed. "Cal… we know what this drug is," she said slowly but reassuringly. "I mean, we can run another blood test-"

"-it won't do anything. It will come up with the same results," the clinical lead said firmly but sadly. "Look, Cal. We can do all we can for your brother. You have my word on that." Cal knew a promise when he heard one, but just to do ' _all they can_ '? That wasn't enough. When he said that to relatives, the patient almost always died. He wanted her to promise that they would save him. Save his little brother. Not just do whatever they can. Was Connie preparing him for Ethan's death?

"But… but I've only read about it… the survival rate…" Cal trailed off. The survival rate was grim. He'd never had people who had ingested this drug in real life. "Have either of you seen it?" He addressed Connie and Zoe. They must have, surely? They'd worked in medicine for years.

The older brother watched apprehensively as they looked towards each other then looked back, almost as if they were deciding who would speak. "I… um…" Zoe stumbled, tripping over her words, unsure of herself.

Cal held his breath as Connie took over, "I've seen this only a handful of times, Cal." She didn't elaborate. She just stopped. That wasn't enough for Cal.

"Please… I need to know," He practically begged the two women looking really nervous in front of him.

"As I said, I've only seen this a few times, but... um..." Connie bit her lower lip before speaking, "none of the patients survived."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Sorry about the long waits between updates for everything, but they should become more frequent now because I'm trying to get most of them finished before the new year (when revision and exams take priority). Anyway, thank you for all the reviews I've received so far - it does mean a lot. I hope you enjoy!

"You are joking, right?" Cal asked hopefully, but he knew - deep down - his hope was a lost cause. That wouldn't stop him fighting. "I mean... he can't... he has to... no, stop it. Tell me the truth."

Connie tentatively placed a hand on Cal's shoulder but he harshly shrugged it off, ripped his hand out of Ethan's, and started pacing around the room, eyes darting around the floor as if searching for an answer to everything.

"Cal, I really am sorry-" Connie started.

"-that's not good enough!" Cal interrupted. He stopped pacing and walked right over to Connie, pushing a finger to her chest and leaning right into her face. "You  _better_  save my little brother, or  _else_. Understand?" He threatened. He was suddenly pushed back by Iain, who obviously didn't want to see this escalate.

"You have to calm down, Cal. They're going to do all they can for Ethan - but no one can change the facts." He stated sadly, which made Cal's blood reach boiling point.

"I don't care about some stupid facts! You can change the facts!"

Connie slowly shook her head.

"What? You're giving up on him? Seriously?!" He shouted in disbelief.

"Cal, we're going to do all we can - but we caught this very late. It's shutting his body down and he can't fight it. No one would be able to fight it."

"I don't believe this," he said, shaking his head, "you never give up on people!"

"She's not giving up on him, Cal." Iain interrupted once again.

"Why are you sticking up for her! You are both writing him off!" He spat back. "Just because of a 'couple of cases', Ethan will  _die_!"

"Can we talk in my office please, Cal?" She interjected, motioning to Ethan. Cal understood immediately - he could see his brother becoming panicked and that was the last thing they needed. He nodded.

Cal followed Connie to her office, all the while trying not to scream and shout and run back to Ethan. He had to, however, sort things out with Connie. He had to make her see sense and help his brother survive. Cal didn't think he would be able to cope with loosing Ethan.

They were - after what felt like years - in the office. Connie sitting down in her usual chair, and Cal standing up - refusing to take a seat. He couldn't keep still, and after a few moments of silence, he finally blew.

"Why are you  _letting him die_? What did he ever, _ever_  do to you?! He is a valuable member of your team, and a  _damn good person_  and you're just going to leave him to die because you don't know how to save him?!" Connie went to interrupt, but Cal's shouting cut her off. "I thought there was a  _reason_  you were made clinical lead - other than being a sly cow - but it seems all you needed was friends in high places. A clinical lead doesn't give up on anyone for anything, especially not a member of their own team. I thought you were a  _good_   _doctor_ , and I could even stretch to you being a  _good person_  - but I was wrong! I was oh so wrong. You aren't a good doctor - a good doctor wouldn't give up! And you aren't a good person, you're far from it. You don't even have a  _scrap_  of human decency. Well you know what -  _I_  won't let Ethan die! I won't give up on him like you just have done you b-"

"-Caleb," She interrupted suddenly. He expected her to be annoyed, angry even, but she seemed relatively calm. "No one can do anything - no one in Resus will do anything because there is nothing  _to_  do. We will make Ethan as comfortable as possible, but we can't do anything to aid his survival, Cal. I am  _sincerely_  sorry about this, and  _I wish_  I could so something, but I can't."

"No. No way. When Ethan survives - and he will survive - I'm gone and so is he. He doesn't deserve to work in a place with people who would so easily give up on him, and I'm not going to work in a place with people who would happily see my brother die without trying." His eyes narrowed and he looked threateningly at Connie.

"It won't be happy for anyone, Cal. I don't want to see Ethan die. He's  _such_  a good person-"

"-then save his life! You can save his life but it's too hard for you! Nothing is easy in life but you have to save him!" He screamed, tears dripping down his cheeks.

Connie looked truly sympathetic. "No one would want to see him die, but we can't do anything!"

"No, you can do something."

"Cal-"

"-you can save my little brother's life." He ground out, before storming out of the office, straight to Resus.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! (I don't ever do anything for Halloween so that was probably a little uncalled for... :/ Oh well!) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next update. I hope it's alright because it was kind of hard to write (and I also apoligise for the number of small cliffhangers on a few of the chapters. They're irresistible).

Cal almost collapsed. His head felt fuzzy and he could feel his palms sweating. He couldn't quite believe what he was seeing... or hearing. He didn't want this to happen, but Connie warned him about it when she'd come back from her office after her's and Cal's altercation. He heard Connie ask again.

"Ethan, can you squeeze my hand, please?"

Cal watched and waited, but there was still nothing. There hadn't been for quite a while, and Cal felt sick.

He wanted to make everything better. He thought everything was alright - well, apart from the fact that Ethan was most probably going to die - but this just made everything worse.

When Cal had been holding Ethan's hand and talking to him soothingly while Connie and Zoe were trying to research experimental drugs to help Ethan, Cal thought nothing of the fact Ethan's hand went limp and his grip loosened. He asked Ethan if he could squeeze his hand, but Ethan didn't react. Cal had replayed what Connie had said to him but refused to believe it had come to that stage. So, he inspected Ethan's face for signs of life. Sure enough, Ethan was looking at him. He was awake. He had to test Ethan's movements, so he asked Ethan to move his arm. Ethan didn't. He asked Ethan to move his leg. Ethan didn't. Cal saw a tear slip down Ethan's cheek, and Cal feared the worst. He did a pain test. He pinched the back on Ethan's hand, but there was no reaction. Cal looked into Ethan's eyes, they showed his desperation, his need to move. Another tear slipped down his cheek.

Ethan couldn't move. He couldn't feel. He was paralysed. It was as Connie suspected.

Cal didn't want it to be true. He watched as Connie asked Ethan to do something for a third time, he watched as Ethan didn't move. All Ethan did was look desperately at Cal, before closing his eyes - making another tear slip down his cheek. Cal wiped it away sadly, feeling his own eyes gather with tears. This whole experience must have been a living hell for Ethan, and all Cal wanted to do was free his little brother. He would take his place if he could.

Then Connie pulled Cal aside.

"Look, Cal. Zoe and I were unsuccessful in our search for an experimental drug -"

"- you should have searched harder then!"

"Even if we were able to find one, it's much too late. He's had all the symptoms. Weakness, rapid and slow breathing, slurring, unconsciousness, he even had a seizure! And he had to be incubated. Now he's got something that only happens when this progresses, Cal. I'm really sorry. I don't think there's... I don't think he has a lot longer left."

Then Cal finally broke.

He collapsed onto his knees - too weak to stand - and cried into his hands. Screaming to himself on the floor. He wanted to stay strong for Ethan, he wanted to keep all of his tears at bay, but Ethan looked like he was sleeping, even though he couldn't move anyway, and Cal just needed to get it out. Everything had gone horribly wrong. All Cal wanted was for everything to go right again. For him and Ethan to laugh to work and get along really well. There probably wasn't any chance of that happening ever again.

He felt arms wrap around his body, dragging him upwards. Cal allowed himself to be pulled from the floor, but he was too weak to hold himself upright. He leaned heavily on them, still crying with pain and anguish, sobbing hard. They tried to lead him out of the room, but his feet were rooted to the spot. He buried his face into the man's shoulder, sobbing loudly. He realised, through his tears, that he was being held by Iain. He would usually value his pride but there were much more important things than one man's pride. In this very Resus room, Cal's brother was dying. That was enough to forget your pride and everything else around you.

He didn't care that people were listening to him. He didn't care that they were probably watching him. All that mattered was Ethan.

A day ago, everything was alright. Ethan had left the house feeling happy as Larry, ready to go for his shift. Cal remembered they'd joked about Cal not being able to cook toast for toffee (he had - although it obviously never happened before... - burnt it. Then Cal was having a brilliant time at home, watching box sets and relaxing. Then he'd fallen asleep on the couch, only to be woken by his ringing mobile. That was when everything went wrong for him.

He wished he could go back to the day before when Ethan was at home, not when he was dying in front of his eyes. Ethan was in so much pain, he'd been through so much in such a short period of time. Not he was paralysed, when he was walking and feeling hours before. Ethan was trapped within himself, and Cal could almost feel the pain and sense of hopelessness and loneliness Ethan would have been feeling.

He continued crying into Iain's shoulder, feeling his heart practically crumble within him. Every piece fading away until there was nothing left. His gut was twisting uncomfortably and his lungs felt constricted. He made a few strangled screams, before crying even harder.

But there was something that made him stop crying. There was something that made everything go silent.

The long and drawn out beep of a hospital monitor.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am back for the time being. Just a little warning, updates will probably be slow and in no way structured as my mental state is a little hit-and-miss at the minute, though I am feeling a little better. I'll try not to leave too many cliff-hangers due to the long wait it may be between chapters, but I hope that won't happen often! Also, sorry it's a tad short, but it fit better like this. Anyway, enough of my blabbering, I hope you enjoy!

Cal felt someone grab his shoulders and bundle him out of Resus, but couldn't see who through the sea of tears in his eyes. He looked back through the doors and could see (barely) someone pushing down hard on a lying man's chest. Cal felt his throat close up with emotion as he squeezed his eyes shut, unknowingly letting tears fall, and realising how close he was to loosing his baby brother. Although many people had corrected him over the years, telling him Ethan wasn't his 'baby' brother - more his 'younger' brother, Ethan would always be his baby brother.

"Come on, Cal." It was Iain, that was the man. The man that ripped him away from his brother.

Cal slowly opened his eyes, thankful his vision was a little clearer, and watched helplessly as Zoe Hanna had her hands furiously pumping down on Ethan's chest, trying to restart his heart and bring him back to life. Cal placed a hand on the door, ready to burst back through, but Iain held him back.

"Come on, Cal. You don't want to watch that."

He thought he would disagree, he thought he would be up for an argument, but the second Ethan's body jolted from a shock - Cal ran. He ran and ran and ran, far away from Resus, until he was out of the hospital. Cal looked around, and was glad no one had seemed to follow him.

Once he reached a nearby bench, Cal felt his legs become unsteady and he half-sat, half-fell onto the bench. His breaths were heavy and laboured as he dropped his head into his hands, trying to keep his tears at bay. The image of his brother being resuscitated haunted his mind, and he could think of nothing to take his mind off of it.

_Keep it together, Cal. Don't fall apart again._

He had to think of good things - that's what his mother taught him. When everything piled on top of you, you had to think of something good, something that could happen soon. He thought of what would happen when Ethan got better. They would be at home. He and Ethan would be sitting in front of the television, watching a movie. A couple of beers and a pizza accompanying them while they sat in silence. Then they would talk after the movie, reminisce on old times. Talk about their good childhood memories, and talk about their mother.

But that would only happen if Ethan survived, and Cal knew, in the back of his head, that just wasn't possible.

"Cal."

He brought his head out of his hands and saw Charlie stood in front of him. He wanted to ask the crucial question - was Ethan dead - but his mouth wouldn't co-operate. The nurse took a seat beside him and rested a hand on his knee. He knew this was bad now. He stared into the solemn face of the man he looked up to, watching his mouth, watching any sign that Charlie was about to speak.

He watched as Charlie seemed to hesitate, he watched as he seemed just about to speak, before he decided not to. And after what felt like an age, Charlie finally spoke.

"I'm afraid... Caleb, I'm afraid they can't seem to... Ethan isn't responding to any attempts of resuscitation, Cal. I'm sorry..." said Charlie, sadly looking at him, smiling slightly in sympathy.

For a moment, Cal stared in mute shock at the man sat next to him, feeling a couple of tears fall from his eyes. Then he regained the power of speech.

"No."

Charlie nodded sadly.

"No! You're lying! I don't believe you!" He shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks. He felt Charlie rub his knee, but Cal hastily stood up, running towards Resus, and ignoring Charlie's shouts towards him.

He stopped just before the doors, taking in the sight of Ethan laid out on the bed, practically dead. He swallowed nervously. Cal watched as Connie stepped down and he really wished she'd just continue going that moment longer. Well, if she didn't, Cal had to.

He took in a deep breath, before pushing open the door and running to his brother, clasping his hands together, and pushing down on his chest. Once. Twice. Thrice.

"Stop, Cal." Connie commanded softly, placing her small hand over Cal's larger two. Cal didn't answer her, he was only focused on Ethan, so his pushing didn't cease. "Cal, you aren't helping him."

"I need to try!" He shouted, pushing down on his brother's chest more. "I will never forgive myself if I didn't try and save my little brother!" He felt Connie's hand remove from his own and heard Connie step back. Extremely glad for the space, Cal could properly try and save his brother. Maybe he could save Ethan. Maybe it wasn't Ethan's time just yet.

_Push._

What kind of pain was Ethan in when he crashed?

_Push._

Was he scared?

_Push._

Did he have anything to say?

_Push._

Did he feel alone?

_Push._

Why was this happening?

_Push._

What did Ethan do to deserve this?

_Push._

Would he die?

_Push._

Was this it?

_Push._

Was Cal alone?

_Push._

Was this Ethan's fate?

_Push._

Cal needed one last chance to say -

_Push._

\- "I love you, little brother."

_Push._

"Back in sinus rhythm."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for all your reviews on the last chapter, I smiled really stupidly when I read them - I always do. It always make me happy if people are enjoying what I write. (Sorry this chapter is a little short and doesn't flow very well, I just couldn't seem to get it right.) This will be ending soon; two more chapters after this one. On with the 12th chapter.

Cal breathed out slowly, thankful he had managed to save Ethan. He stepped away by a couple of steps, wiping his tears as he did so. He looked around the room, but his eyes eventually landed on Connie. "Don't tell Ethan I said that," he joked. She nodded and Cal gave her a weak smile. "What now?"

"Now, you go to the staffroom and have some tea," the clinical lead told him, raising her eyebrows - inadvertently telling him that he should listen to her.

"I want to stay with him... but what happens to  _him_  now?"

Connie's voice was soft, "take a break Cal, it's been very stressful for you. If anything changes with Ethan, we will get you."

Cal stamped his foot, "what happens to Ethan?!"

"Well... we'll make sure he's stable, and we'll see," she shrugged. "Staffroom. Now."

Cal hung his head as he gave in. He looked at Ethan one last time, nodded his thanks to the rest of them, then made his way to the staffroom.

* * *

He paced up and down. Rubbing his hair, rubbing his face, rubbing his eyes. Thinking and wondering and hoping. If the drug killed everyone who ingested it, there was no way around it. Ethan would die, and he would die soon. Cal had brought him back... but it was temporary. Unless...

Cal grabbed a laptop from the side, he didn't know who's it was, and he didn't care. It belonged to one of the staff, but they left it logged on - and that meant Cal could use it.

Apparently there was no experimental drug, no drug currently in testing to see if it can fight the drug. But Connie and Zoe didn't look hard enough. Cal knew he could look hard enough because he  _cared_  about Ethan. He was the only one who cared enough to exhaust  _every single possibility_. He would do anything, he would go to the ends of the earth to find a cure for Ethan. Because Ethan was his little brother - the only family he had left.

And Ethan  _had_  to be saved.

Cal was starting to grow weary, though. He'd been searching for ages, and it all came up with the same result. The drug kills every time and there is nothing you can do to stop it. He'd at least been given some hope when Zoe told him Ethan had been moved to a side-room. That meant there had been enough improvement to deem him stable enough to be out of Resus. Which meant all Cal had to do was make sure the drug didn't win.

Cal pounded his fists into the air - he'd found an experimental drug. Something that could possibly eliminate the drug in Ethan's system. Admittedly, it was still very much experimental and hit-and-miss, but Ethan could be such an important person in proving that the experimental drug worked.

This could save Ethan... no, it would save Ethan. Cal jumped up from his seat and ran to the first person he knew would back him up.

* * *

"Connie! I need you!" Cal called to the clinical lead, who seemed to have her head buried in notes. She looked up, and Cal could have sworn he saw a flicker of confusion pass across her face, before it turned neutral again. "I think I've found a way to make Ethan better."

Connie sighed. "Cal, don't get your hopes up."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "he's alive right now. I have just found a way to  _keep_ him alive." He stepped towards her more, narrowly bordering her personal space. Connie stepped back.

"I don't mean to sound blunt, but - "

" - why can't you just listen to me?" He realised he spoke with desperation, but since Ethan had basically come back from the dead (and had been moved from Resus to a side room, so he  _had_  to be improving), he'd found a sure-fire way to make sure Ethan survived as the drug tried to kill him. He had run into the small problem of the experimental drug being in France, which ultimately meant that it could be weeks before Cal could get hold of it. He'd worry about that later. It was a tiny detail that wasn't important now.

"Why don't you come into my office, Cal?" she asked calmly, gesturing weakly in the direction of her office. Cal nodded; anything to get her to listen.

* * *

Once sat down in her office, all Cal wanted to do was move. His knees bounced and his hands wrung in his lap. If only he could...

"Dr Knight. Please stop pacing and sit down again. Actually, on second thoughts, come and sit over here." She motioned to the sofa, getting up herself to sit there. Cal paced for a couple of seconds longer before joining her - his hand and leg movements not ceasing. "Go ahead."

Cal took a deep breath, wondering where to start. "I was looking for experimental drugs, things that could help Ethan - "

" - Zoe and I told you we were unsuccessful when we looked," Connie reminded him softly, placing a hand on his knee.

"Yes, but I  _was_ successful, and believe it or not, it might... no, will work." He looked at her, eagerly awaiting her response, or a glimmer of hope on her face. Instead, she just looked upset.

Connie let out a quivering breath. "It's too late, Cal. You can't save him. Even if this experimental drug works on people like Ethan, he's too far gone. I'm so sorry, Cal."

Cal stood up quickly, pacing faster than before, sweat coming in beads down his forehead. "No. Don't you dare... don't you  _dare_ give up on him! After everything he's been through tonight, don't you dare call it."

He frantically wiped his hand across his eyes and cheeks, getting rid of his tears. They kept falling faster than he could get rid of them. More and more tears. He gave up trying to stop them in the end.

"Now," his voice was dangerously low, "I am going to see my brother, sort out getting the experimental drug, use it on Ethan, then watch him recover." He leaned closer to Connie. "And don't you or anyone else try to stop me, because I swear if anyone does I will  _sue_  for negligence."

Then he drew back, and left with the slam of the door.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and thank you so much for your reviews on the previous chapter! As I warned before, there is one more chapter on this story. I hope you like this one.

Cal burst into the side-room to tell Zoe about the experimental drug, only to see Zoe performing chest compressions on Ethan. This wasn't meant to happen. Ethan was supposed to be stable. Possibly getting better. He was stable! Of course the drug was very dangerous, and of course it killed everyone who ingested it - but Ethan was different. He crashed but he survived. He was meant to carry on surviving. He was Ethan - the strongest man Cal knew. He was meant to survive. He was meant to be okay. He was always okay, always!

"He was okay. He was okay!" He shouted at Zoe, not caring her eyes were filling with tears as she carried on pressing on Ethan's chest. Ethan was his brother and he was okay! He saw Connie come up behind him out of the corner of his eye.

"Dr Hanna, what happened?" She asked, emotion being hidden by the professionalism she tried to show. Tried because Cal noticed a crack in her voice as she spoke. Cal looked from Zoe to Connie, then back to Zoe again; waiting for an answer. Zoe shook her head and said nothing, but continued CPR on Ethan. Cal looked back at Connie, and watched as she nodded. They obviously knew something he didn't.

He clenched his fists at his side, and spoke aggressively - everything that happened finally getting the better of him. "I think you better tell me what's happening." He felt a slender hand being placed on his bicep, but angrily shoved it off. He knew the drug that was currently in France (but he would get hold of it) would save Ethan. If Zoe would just try harder to save Ethan, then Ethan would survive.

"Caleb - "

" - don't call me that. It's Cal. Just Cal." Ethan called him Caleb - that was Ethan's name for him. It was usually when Cal was in trouble, or Ethan was being extra caring. That was Ethan's thing. No one else's. Zoe looked startled, but didn't question it.

"It's too late, Cal. We've been going too long." She cocked her head to the side in sympathy as Connie took over compressions. "There's nothing more we can do for him."

Cal felt his heart in his ears, thumping in his head. "No. He was brought back before. We can do it again," he said determinedly. "I am not giving up on him."

Connie stepped down.

"No. What are you doing? Carry on!" She didn't move. "Fine. If you won't, I will." He went to step forward, but Zoe placed a hand on his chest. Cal could have easily pushed her away, but that simple action was enough to halt his actions.

"You listen to me, and you listen to me carefully," Zoe said, looking Cal right in the eyes. She didn't drop her hand, but she grasped his hand with her other. "If we manage to bring Ethan back, and the possibility of bringing him back only decreases every time he crashes, we will be torturing him. Bringing him back only so he can flat-line again. It doesn't matter that he hasn't regained consciousness - we will still be torturing him. You have to understand. Every time he crashes, he gets closer and closer to never coming back. We bring him back, and we are trying to defy this drug. But it can't be stopped. You know that Cal. Right here," he looked down at her hand, which was now over his heart, "you know that he can't be brought back. No matter how hard we try."

Cal felt a sob escape his throat. "There's... there's a drug... in France... it's experimental... it could... it will save him," he explained, fighting tears.

"It's experimental? It might not work - "

" - but it will," he interrupted brokenly, sinking to the ground as his knees failed him. "I know it will. It has to. It will work. I know it will. I know," he muttered, head falling into his hands as he sobbed. He vaguely heard Connie telling Zoe to give him some space, and he registered the door closing.

Cal looked up, vision blurred from tears. He had to let go. Zoe was right, he knew nothing could be done. He knew he had to give up, give in, allow the evil, vile human being that could do such a thing to someone, win. They had won, Ethan had lost - and it cost him his life. Ethan was ripped from Cal in an act of evil. Pure and utter evil.

He slowly rose from his position on the floor, sniffing and sobbing and crying. He brought up a chair from the corner of the room, placing it by the bed. He slumped down in it, crying louder once he looked at Ethan.

Ethan looked so pale, weak... fragile. His body was covered by the crisp white sheets, his chest revealed from where the compressions were performed. He still had the ventilator tube in, though it was no longer connected to the machine. He was no longer breathing. His heart wasn't beating. His blood wasn't pumping. His brain wasn't working.

Ethan was gone. Dead.

"Why, Ethan?!" He shouted, "why did you have to leave me?! It should have been me. You're so much better than me, Nibbles. So, so much better than me. You are everything I want to be. Everything I will never be because... because I'm me," Cal cried. "Why did you have to do that?! You gave up! You never give up!" Cal tried to wipe his tears but they were too fast. His nose was running, but there were no tissues nearby so he used his sleeve. "You would tell me off for doing that. But you aren't telling me off. You never... you never will! Oh God, Ethan, why?! I'm sorry. So, so sorry for everything I have ever said and done. And I know you didn't give up. You never give up. I'm sorry, Ethan... I just want you back!"

Cal screamed into the bed covers, burying his head into it. It didn't muffle his cries or screams, they were too loud.

Filled with pain and grief. Longing for his brother. Wanting to hold him, wanting Ethan to hold him back. Needing the comfort and warmth his brother provided, but knowing he would never get it. Ethan would never be there, or smile, or laugh. He would never ever be there.

Cal screamed again. Ethan was gone. Cal was alone. Forever.

 


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello for the final time on this story. I really quite enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoyed reading it (despite the hell I put Ethan and Cal through). I must admit, I wasn't originally going to kill Ethan - I had a whole ending planned out where he survived and everyone lived happily ever after. But I scrapped it because sometimes you have to have a little sadness, and characters can't always survive. I sound mean. I'm sorry. Forgive me.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter (I don't think enjoy is even the right word).

Cal gently lit the flame and watched it. The orange dancing around the blue and yellow. The light breeze allowing it to perform in the dark. He used to light cigarettes, but since his brother's death, he stopped. Now - every month - he lights the flame to light the candle that sits in a glass lantern. The rusted metal frame still holds it together, and shelters the tea-light from the rain and snow and wind. It sits by the headstone of Ethan's grave, next to the bouquet of flowers that Cal buys every month.

But today was a different day. It was Ethan's birthday. Being 29 when he died, there had been 4 birthday's since and it was Ethan's 33rd Birthday. Cal still did everything he used to. Aside from the regular candle lighting he did (he had found a box full of tea-lights stuffed away in Ethan's bedroom) and the flowers he bought every month as well (he knew Ethan was particularly fond of those flowers, as their mother was), he did something else on his little brother's birthday.

Cal went to the local bakery and bought a cupcake. He would then stick a candle in it, place the cupcake down by Ethan's grave, and let the wind blow it out.

So now, he did his routine.

Cal watched the breeze extinguish the flame, and could almost imagine that Ethan was blowing it out. He let a few tears slip down his cheeks.

When Ethan died, Cal spent 6 months buying flowers every week and lighting a candle everyday, but that drained his funds significantly and he had to reduce it to every month. He made sure that he went to Ethan's grave on the 12th every month to lay out the flowers and light the candle.

Ethan died on the 12th June 2015, so the 12th of every month only seemed right. But whenever the 12th June came, Cal would go the the pub after the cemetery and have a drink in Ethan's name. He had cut down on drinking in the weeks after Ethan's passing. Considering after the funeral he nearly poisoned himself, it was only right. But Cal didn't do it for himself.

He stopped smoking and cut down on drinking and stopped sleeping around  _for_  Ethan. Because that's what Ethan would have wanted. He wanted Cal to find other means of coping, other means of having fun. He didn't want to watch Cal become their father... but he was never alive to see Cal change. He would  _never_  be proud of Cal.

Just like how Cal has the flat. 4 years on, all of Ethan's stuff is in the same place. The cupboards are still organised, the flat is kept clean.

Because Cal can't bear to live without him. If everything stays the same, it's like Ethan's still there.

Cal practically turned his life around for Ethan, because he needed to do Ethan proud. He couldn't save his brother, so this was the next best thing.

He was now a consultant, having past his FCEM second time. It was a good feeling, and he hoped Ethan would be proud of him. He imagined what Ethan would say over and over and over again.

Sometimes he would lie in bed awake, imagining Ethan sleeping next door. Imagining his dreams and what he would have done that day.

Cal was told that he would 'get over it' eventually. He almost wanted to 'get over' Ethan's death. But Cal learned something he never thought he would. You can never get over your brother's death. No matter how hard you run away, no matter how hard you distract yourself, you can never forget... never not feel sad... about the fact your little brother is never going to come back home, and you are going to live the rest of your life without him.

Cal felt more tears dampen his cheeks but didn't bother to wipe them away. He picked up the cupcake, took the candle out, and left it on a bench. He knew it would be gone. Eaten by morning. It always was.

He sadly glanced at the headstone, already knowing what it said.

_Ethan Hardy_

_21 November 1976 - 12 June 2015_

_Cruelly taken from us too soon, but will always rest in our hearts. A loving brother and friend._

He wiped his eyes and placed the lighter back in his pocket, watching the light flicker but stay strong through the glass of the lantern. He swallowed hard in a vain attempt to rid the lump of emotion in his throat, before stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Cal turned around and started to walk off, only wishing he could have done more to save Ethan. Bonnie was long gone by now, and Cal was glad. But he would never forget what happened to his brother.

The only family he had left was snatched away. He still loved Ethan, and Cal held tightly onto the hope of an afterlife.

Because that way, he could see his mother and his brother again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Curious Rebel, Tanith Panic, Imagine-Hope123, CasualtyFanForever81, CharlieK, LittleBritishPerson, Becs2202, CBloom2, Teeloganroryflan, Victoria . Annxx, niamhmcshane22, sunsetstargazer, sweeet-as-honey, charliebear13, LillyMayFlower, Tato Potato, smish123, TheAtomicCheesepuff, Is-there-somewhere-x, beckyboogle, 20BlueRoses, EDSidekick, MissStilinskiHerondale, Gillian Kearney Fan, tracys dream, and the guests for reviewing, and thank you to everyone who favourited and followed. You all helped me to continue writing this, so thank you very much.
> 
> ETWentHome x


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